Sitting in the gallery yesterday as my show was going up, I felt a bit overwhelmed and a bit relieved. Overwhelmed by the amount of work and the time it takes to create it and relieved that I am finally at a place where I want to move away from the white paintings a bit. In the studio this morning it was like a new day (well it was a new day) but in a psychological sense.
Studying this work done over that past five years I can see where some things have stayed relevant and others have been phased out. Phased out of the decision making. Not always consciously. It doesn't become apparent until everything is observed from a distance.
Being the observer is the job.
It has also been a time of making adjustments. Being more forgiving of my body's ability to perform. I have noticed with my olfactory work I am less attuned to scent. I am not sure if it is related to the progressing stages of my MS or if it is just due to chronic sinus problems. either way, I am happy (at the moment) to continue producing the essences that are currently in my online portfolio at soivohle.net and possibly releasing earlier finished work over time.
As for the art, it was always a love/hate relationship. Probably because I have been doing it since childhood, and did not grow up to later embrace it as a career as most folks do. In a way I envy people who go all the way through the growing stages of youth only to realize once in college or after, what they want to do with their lives. They had all of those early years to be free of occupational obligation.
But it is what it is and life has a way of rubbing our noses in the dirt if we get to cocky. Like attaching words like master to our names or work. It is almost like saying to the Universe, kick me, kick me hard, I deserve it.
Kicking my own ass when I get to big for my big girl pants. and never using the word master to describe myself or my work. I prefer the work hack. Call me a hack, as I am hacking along, trying to figure it out everyday. Never quite getting there, but showing up just the same.
It isn't some kind of reverse bullshit kind of thing, or affected gibberish, but rather an attempt to always have feet on the ground and a solid knowing of who I am and what I am capable of in any given moment.
So here we go again, changing, but not really. Altering, but only slightly.